I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
