She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
