wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
