i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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