its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
