The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I touched a dick in church today
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize