he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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