Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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