He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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