I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
