singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
