I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
