Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize