walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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