Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
