He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
