Where did you get a picture of my penis
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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