Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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