if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
