Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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