I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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