hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
