omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
