i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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