I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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