You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
