she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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