I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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