If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
