I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have demons in me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
