Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
