I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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