im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
