i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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