So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
