Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
