somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
