Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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