i think my tv is drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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