I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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