so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
