Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
