omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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