i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize