Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
