Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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