I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
