I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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