I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize