Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
