She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
