ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
two words...techno handjob
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
