if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize