I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
