i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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