i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
