In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
