I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
