I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
