Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
