i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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