Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
