i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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