I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
