before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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