get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
