Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
