32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
