Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
