i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
