Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize