i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
