...so i touched it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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