I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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