ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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