just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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