I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize