I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
