gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
