I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
