Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
